Holding the Gap: A Meditation For Receiving

We're talking about the gap. We create a gap. Here we are.

Here, the others in our lives are. And what we do is we create space between us and all the stuff we do for them. Now, if you're starting to feel a little antsy, anxious, nervous, that's okay.

Let's breathe and get anchored at ground zero. Why is it important for us to have more time, energy, space? What is it that we truly want right now that we are agitated about doing all the things?

What is it that is calling us forward that we're even willing to consider making a change? Is it that long lost dream that you set aside, but now it's really making your heartbeat? What is it?

So, if this is where we are right now, just getting clear in your why, pause here, do some journaling, some reflecting, and then come back to the video. Okay. So, now we know our why.

It's time to have some structure. When I'm working with my clients on this, what tends to be really useful is to have structures in place so that when the gap is created, the others can begin to fill it if they want. That's the thing.

We can't control the others. Most of the time we can't control the others. But we can have a structure in place.

Whether this is at home or maybe even at work, having protocols, having lists, like Tuesday night dinner is this child's responsibility, Wednesday night dinner is this person's responsibility, just to have that structure in place. Then there's communication. Step three, once there's structure, we get to communicate what's happening.

I'm going to create a gap. I'm going to step back. We don't necessarily say, 'I'm going to create a gap.' That's in your head.

But what you're doing is, I'm not going to make dinner five nights a week. I am going to sleep in one day a week. I am going to take mini vacations once a month.

Whatever it is that's true for you, you let people know. Then you say, 'These are the things that, since I'm not doing, here's how that can happen.' Or if you're the kind of person that wants to have a conversation about this, which could work better, you can say, 'All right, I'm not going to be doing all these things. How could these things continue to get done?' and hear what other people's ideas are.

Even that is a gap, right? Because you're not making all the decisions. You're actually stepping back and saying, 'Huh, what's your thought on this?' and letting their thoughts be okay.

Because if you're not the one in charge of doing it, other people get to be in charge, and they get to do it the way they want, whether you like that process or not. Again, let's breathe. All right.

We've communicated. People know what's happening. Then we actually stop doing.

I work with both men and women, and they're like, 'Okay, I did it. I've created the gap. I am no longer doing that dinner.

Bye.' And then dinner doesn't get made. People are hungry. They're snacking on things in the cupboard.

Okay, this is where it gets a little tricky because when things don't happen, or they don't happen in the way that you expect, you feel kind of grumpy and then you might be like, 'They can't handle it. I'm going to do it.' Don't do that. Just don't right now.

Don't do that. Notice your feeling, but don't go fill the gap. A conversation could be had, but don't fill the gap.

Because if others want something to happen and you want a change, you have got to hold your space on the other side. That means managing your emotions, your feelings, your thoughts. That's the hardest part, to manage yourself with a gap, and you might need support for it.

So that's why I put a support system in there. Step five, have a support system. Who can you talk to that's going to help you hold the line?

And why are you wanting the line to be held? Because you have bigger dreams. Remember, you have something else you want, and you're taking a stand for it.

Your support system keeps you connected to your why. If it's just you, it's going to feel hard and lonely. Add in other people.

Add in support and suddenly you'll have more strength and energy. These people are capable humans. They'll figure it out or they won't.

There's a lot of things that can happen when we leave the gap. And as you, who are committed to your why, you can let it happen. You can let this fall apart a little bit.

Things will come back together and you will continue to grow. All right. Thank you for joining me today.

I'll see you again.